iPhoney

I'm tired of people hating on my iPhone. I remember when I first got it, my friends were so jealous. Not even two years later, and I'm actually embarrassed to take it out on the train. They can't even tell that I have the crappy 3G version, that I'm running a badly jailbroken 2.2.1 firmware, they can't see the scratches and cracks in the screen, or the "I got into a fight with a bear" gashes on the back...they just know it's an iPhone and therefore they hate me with the fury of a thousand suns. Everyone assumes that I'm some sort of Apple fanboy or I'm too stupid to realize that I'm basically buying a brand.

Let me set the record straight: I am not an Apple fanboy. I have never owned an iPod, I use Windows computers, I think the iPad is only good for the accordian app, and I think Steve Jobs looks suspiciously like a cyborg with a fetish for turtleneck sweaters.

I realize the iPhone is sort of "behind the times", especially the one I have. Considering the phone I had before, it's a damn super computer. I could go out and get an HTC Evo, but I have AT&T and a great plan. I could unlock it and be frolicking in the fields of happiness and unicorn farts, but why would I go through that much pain?

I didn't get it because it looks pretty (even though it is), or to be another pretentious jerkwad and whip it out on the train and prove to people I'm oh-so-rich (even though I do). I got it because I wanted to have an mp3 player and a smart phone without having to lug around two objects everywhere I go. It was smaller than most smart phones that were out on the market, there were lots of cases and accessories for it, and it was available on my plan.

I know loads of people who have iPhones. My sister, my mother, my boyfriend, a few of my friends...but I still get tons of slack from people. If I have some sort of trivial problem with my phone and I post about it on Facebook, I can bet that at least 4 people will "like" it and talk smack. It hurts my feelings. Why hate? What has the phone ever done to you? What makes your TracFone (which uses AT&T's towers) any better than my phone?

Maybe in the next few years, I'll upgrade to a better phone. Maybe the next iPhone that comes out will be fifty times better than any phone that has ever existed, and you'll be eating your words. But until then, leave me and my decrepit phone alone.

Everyone's doing it.

My sister has done it twice this week. My boyfriend watches other people do it. My friends have done it for years. My dad knows about it and my mom wants to try it.

Yes, I'm talking about blogging.

 I feel like the last kid that was invited to the party, and I don't know what the protocol is. AdSense? RSS? Reddit? It just so happens that this is usually how I feel 90% of the time in reality and is the prevalent theme of this blog.

I'm in my 20s now, but I definitely don't feel like it. Even my friends agree, they sometimes wake up and are shocked to know they are adults. Maybe they don't feel it to the extent that I do ("Oh my God, the state allows me to buy alcohol?! Who thought THAT was a good idea?"), but I know they have that same sort of sick feeling when a former classmate adds them to Facebook and they have a nice car and an apartment and they're engaged and happy and successful and "So what have you been up to?" makes them want to lie. When I was 14, I thought I would be laughing at all the girls that used to pick on me while I drove off in my BMW to my mansion--afterall, M.A.S.H. said I would be like that. Now, I'm afraid to even leave my house out of fear I might run into someone and have to explain to them that yes, I'm unemployed and yes, I live with my dad.

My hope for this blog is to maybe get a few laughs out of people while they read about my debilitating social anxiety and my late coming-of-age story. Expect to hear my hyperbolic experiences of going to the grocery store, job interviews, doing my taxes, and buying a pair of jeans that costs more than $20.